Just saying

 

Image credit Microsoft Co-pilot

"We did say they were dangerous!" - Editorial Team

"Sometimes, when we look at swans, Joe's words come to us from beyond the veil"

 

The 'Editorial Team' wish to thank Rachel from Chalkwell, Essex, for sending in the above swan related art work. "What a colourful and abstract rendition of the nation's favourite bird this picture represents"! 

After gazing, without blinking, at this 'tantric' image for just over five minutes, the team experienced a 'collective' and 'spooky' recollection of one of Joe Roberts' most enigmatic quotes that had lain unspoken and forgotten since Joe's untimely death.

"If you can't fight, wear a big hat"!

Although none of us, truly know what this sentence means, we cannot but feel better that being clearly important, it is now out there for all to wonder at! 

If any or both of our loyal readership experience similar metaphysical events, whilst looking at 'swans' depicted in any media, the editorial team, Joe Coral and the Church of England would be delighted to hear from you. In the meantime and as it is weekend's eve, lets break open a celebratory can of Light Ale. It is after all, what Joe would have wanted!

A rare missed opportunity.

 

The editorial team is mortified to admit that in 2024 it failed to acknowledge 'International Swan Observance Day' and the birthday of the legendary and late Joe 'Light Ale' Roberts. So March the 3rd having passed, we hope that in some way this terrifying post makes amends for the omission.

We thank Sarah from Pakefield  for sending us this 'jay waddling' swan. (No offence to Jays as they are colourful and nice birds). Yet again we have a clear example of a swan blatantly endangering the lives of unsuspecting motorists. Swans do not respect the Highway Code and 'double yellow lines' in particular -  this is a road traffic accident waiting to happen !

Due to the economic demise in which 'Highways England' currently finds itself, the A12,  every few metres, is  punctuated by 'potholes' of various dimensions. God forbid what will happen if swans adopt these holes for nesting purposes! 

The editorial team wishes to make clear that the above photograph taken near Sandringham was not digitally enhanced or manipulated in anyway and accurately reflects the true horror of the moment.

A very Merry Christmas 2023 and a Happy New Year to all Swan fanciers wherever you are.

 

At this time of the year the editorial team are fully aware that the above featured romantic swan themed image is what our readers want to see. Nice as this maybe lets be honest for a moment. How many of you will on Boxing Day morning and accompanied by your loved ones, visit the local pond, lake or river to feed the ducks and or swans. It is "An accident waiting to happen"

The following photographs were sent in by our long time reader Lulu from Didcot, Oxon. After being attacked by a swan, Lulu spent several hours in A&E at the John Radcliffe Hospital. 

The first image below is off her splinted and bandaged hand after lengthy NHS treatment. Not daunted by her lakeside experience Lulu decided to revisit the location of her recent violent encounter. You might consider this foolhardy but her thinking was that maybe the bird had been alarmed or was unwell and needed love and veterinary attention. The shocking second image shows what happens when you relax your guard in close proximity to a swan. If you are considering 'feeding the swans' over Christmas wear protective metal reinforced gloves.

Lulu is currently resting at home in Didcot - bless!

The Beak Reality

They’re everywhere.

 Never be off guard! They are quite literally everywhere awaiting the opportunity to break arms.

Not something you see everyday on Lake Lothing.

 

Many thanks to Tony Lavage from Bassingbourn for sending the Editor this astounding card on the event of his recent birthday. I am reliably informed that the vacant chair, centre image, is in homage to the legendary swan fearing Joe Roberts. The eagle eyed amongst our readers will have noted that the cut glass tumblers on the table are full to the brim with Light Ale (the preferred libation of the older gentleman). 

Swans BC

Tutankhamun, the boy Pharoah, and two swans giving it large on the Nile.

Few historians flag up the importance of swans to ancient Egyptian civilisation. The boy king Tutankhamun although a 'man-god' was well known for never turning his back on a swan and for good reason.

The hieroglyphic above the bird roughly translates as 'nice bird but dangerous'

In fact it is understood that Tutankhamun was the first Pharoah to develop the ancient art of 'swan upping' and the Upper Nile was so named to record that this craft was first practiced in this part of the mighty river.

The glitterati of  ancient Egypt were prone to fashion fads and one, briefly popular in the Lower Kingdom, was the wearing of a swan at a rakish angle on the head. Although considered 'stylish', the inherent danger associated meant that this headwear never became universally popular in and around the pyramids. 

Over time, balancing a swan upon the head directly affected an individual's posture and this is said to be the reason why ancient Egyptians, seen depicted on tomb and temple walls, are always shown side on. It is nothing at all to do with the development of perspective in art as was once thought by historians and academics. 

Scrolls unearthed in Thebes, tell the sad story of swan themed millinery preventing the legendary Ptolemy from walking like an Egyptian. Swan hats fell into disrepute shortly after and disappear from the archaeological record.

It is suggested that much of Rod Hull's act was based on the design of this hat which was unearthed by Lord Carnarvon  in a 'dig' just outside Cairo. ( A stuffed scale model of Emu is on display in the British Museum)

Erratum: Subsequent to this post, the editorial team has received an angry email from Tony Lavage of Bassingbourn who on a recent visit to the British Museum was unable to locate the scale model of Emu. We have been informed that Emu was removed after the Australian Consul claimed 'cultural appropriation' and started immediate legal proceedings for the flightless bird's return. Mr Hull was unavailable for comment. The team here at 'Swans should we be afraid' apologise unreservedly to anyone caused distress by this post.