The Year of the Swan - East of Bromley

 

"In Chinese culture, swans are considered to be a symbol of grace, purity, enlightenment, and blessing. They are also associated with the goddess Guanyin. The Chinese Zodiac has twelve animals, that are associated with years in the calendar, none of them being a swan. 2025 is 'The Year of the Snake' -  worldwide quite appropriate as it turns out! 

In Joe Roberts' home town Maidstone, 2025 is being arbitrarily celebrated by both 'Men of Kent' and 'Kentish Men' as 'The Year of the Swan'. Consequently, big parties are anticipated for this spring's 'International Swan Day', which is held every year on the 3rd of March. In 2025, the streets of Maidstone may indeed run with 'Light Ale'!

The  above image is a reproduction of a traditional local pictorial rendition in watercolour on a discarded Joe Coral betting slip of 'The River Medway in flood', which at one time hung in a Chinese Takeaway in Week Street. The building shown on the island, is a 'stylistic and graphical' representation of the Maidstone Branch of Wickes about which Joe was often heard to say "You can get anything from Wixies"! - Editor

Editorial note: None of the editorial team knows why Joe insisted upon pronouncing 'Wickes' as 'Wixies'. The man was and is, both an enigma and Kentish legend!

Lashings of Light Ale

 

"At this time of year, the Editorial Team at ‘Nice Birds but Dangerous’ look to compile material for the Christmas blog post. For inspiration, we often peruse our archival collection of the thoughts and teachings of Joe (Swan fearing) Roberts.

This year instead, we went through the copious store of artefacts he left behind after his untimely death in 2001.

All of our regular readers and swan aficionados worldwide, will know that Joe was ‘no stranger’ to the benefits offered by the occasional Light Ale but few will appreciate that his absolute favourite amongst the ‘Pale’ libations was ‘Courage Light Ale’ circa 1970.

What the editorial team only discovered this week was that Joe had been involved with the development of ‘marketing material’ designed by the company to rival the Guinness Toucan balancing a pint of stout on its bill. Joe, never averse to putting himself forward and thus into the limelight, came up with the catchy strap-line “It’s what Joe would have wanted”. When we found in Joe’s belongings, the above ‘printers proof’ for the pilot advertisement, it all became clear. Sadly, the campaign was abandoned peremptorily, due to fears articulated by the RSPB, that it might promote under-age binge drinking, particularly amongst cygnets, and generally in the close vicinity of lakes and other inland waterways. We shall however, never really know!

We at ‘NBbD’ wish all our blog readers and contributors a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

However, we like to emphasise each and every year, how dangerous cold and hungry swans can be during Winter Solstice. And yet every year there are unfortunate and avoidable swan related events resulting from rash actions and thoughtless behaviours!

TAKING SMALL CHILDREN TO FEED THE SWANS ON BOXING DAY IS COMPLETELY WRONG AND TOTALLY IRRESPONSIBLE!!

Even feeding swans with bread can have unforeseen circumstances. They may be nice birds but they can be dangerous!" - Ed.

The Renaissance Bird in Perspective

 

'Boy bitten by a Swan' Fred Caravaggio second Cousin of the Master.

" As today is the 75th Birthday of George (thinks a lot of himself) Roberts, only son of the late  Joe (Light Ale) Roberts, the editorial staff thought it was only fitting to mark the day with the posting of a renowned 'swan themed' art work.

Joe was often heard to remark that George was "a bit artistic and light on his feet" an expression he borrowed from the renowned 1960's theatre critic 'Kenneth Tynan'. Much like many of Joe's expressions, we are not fully sure what he meant by this but assume it was well intentioned!

Fred Caravaggio is not as famous as his relative but was renowned for his use of 'heightened perspective' to provide 'drama' in his work. The rendition of the swan's beak in this work (lower right) is a fine example of his Renaissance avian based angst. 

"Whatever else you can say about Fred Caravaggio, he knew a lot about swans, he loved a glass or two of light ale and you could leave him safely in a room with kiddies" - Joe Roberts.

'A Happy Birthday' to George and all other swan aficionados who share the 28th of November for the day of their birth" - Ed 

Mutation

 

Is it a swan or is it a vegetable? This has split the 'Editorial Team at 'Nice Birds but Dangerous' - aka 'The NBBD' . 

Some of the younger and swan inexperienced team members said "aberrant vegetable" but my own more 'trubblin' guess is that an innocent courgette literally got  a 'Cob on'. If I am correct, Joe's wise words " Never turn your back on a swan" would also apply to vegetables!  

Have swans managed to breach the animal vegetable divide? 

Where will this all end - either in a lake or a lasagne?  

'Trubblin' indeed! - Ed.

Many thanks to Tony Lavage of Bassingbourn for sending in this intriguing photograph of a 'swan-squash' hybrid, which he found quite unexpectedly in amongst the legumes.

Just saying

 

Image credit Microsoft Co-pilot

"We did say they were dangerous!" - Editorial Team

"Sometimes, when we look at swans, Joe's words come to us from beyond the veil"

 

The 'Editorial Team' wish to thank Rachel from Chalkwell, Essex, for sending in the above swan related art work. "What a colourful and abstract rendition of the nation's favourite bird this picture represents"! 

After gazing, without blinking, at this 'tantric' image for just over five minutes, the team experienced a 'collective' and 'spooky' recollection of one of Joe Roberts' most enigmatic quotes that had lain unspoken and forgotten since Joe's untimely death.

"If you can't fight, wear a big hat"!

Although none of us, truly know what this sentence means, we cannot but feel better that being clearly important, it is now out there for all to wonder at! 

If any or both of our loyal readership experience similar metaphysical events, whilst looking at 'swans' depicted in any media, the editorial team, Joe Coral and the Church of England would be delighted to hear from you. In the meantime and as it is weekend's eve, lets break open a celebratory can of Light Ale. It is after all, what Joe would have wanted!

A rare missed opportunity.

 

The editorial team is mortified to admit that in 2024 it failed to acknowledge 'International Swan Observance Day' and the birthday of the legendary and late Joe 'Light Ale' Roberts. So March the 3rd having passed, we hope that in some way this terrifying post makes amends for the omission.

We thank Sarah from Pakefield  for sending us this 'jay waddling' swan. (No offence to Jays as they are colourful and nice birds). Yet again we have a clear example of a swan blatantly endangering the lives of unsuspecting motorists. Swans do not respect the Highway Code and 'double yellow lines' in particular -  this is a road traffic accident waiting to happen !

Due to the economic demise in which 'Highways England' currently finds itself, the A12,  every few metres, is  punctuated by 'potholes' of various dimensions. God forbid what will happen if swans adopt these holes for nesting purposes! 

The editorial team wishes to make clear that the above photograph taken near Sandringham was not digitally enhanced or manipulated in anyway and accurately reflects the true horror of the moment.