A very Merry Christmas 2023 and a Happy New Year to all Swan fanciers wherever you are.

 

At this time of the year the editorial team are fully aware that the above featured romantic swan themed image is what our readers want to see. Nice as this maybe lets be honest for a moment. How many of you will on Boxing Day morning and accompanied by your loved ones, visit the local pond, lake or river to feed the ducks and or swans. It is "An accident waiting to happen"

The following photographs were sent in by our long time reader Lulu from Didcot, Oxon. After being attacked by a swan, Lulu spent several hours in A&E at the John Radcliffe Hospital. 

The first image below is off her splinted and bandaged hand after lengthy NHS treatment. Not daunted by her lakeside experience Lulu decided to revisit the location of her recent violent encounter. You might consider this foolhardy but her thinking was that maybe the bird had been alarmed or was unwell and needed love and veterinary attention. The shocking second image shows what happens when you relax your guard in close proximity to a swan. If you are considering 'feeding the swans' over Christmas wear protective metal reinforced gloves.

Lulu is currently resting at home in Didcot - bless!

The Beak Reality

They’re everywhere.

 Never be off guard! They are quite literally everywhere awaiting the opportunity to break arms.

Not something you see everyday on Lake Lothing.

 

Many thanks to Tony Lavage from Bassingbourn for sending the Editor this astounding card on the event of his recent birthday. I am reliably informed that the vacant chair, centre image, is in homage to the legendary swan fearing Joe Roberts. The eagle eyed amongst our readers will have noted that the cut glass tumblers on the table are full to the brim with Light Ale (the preferred libation of the older gentleman). 

Swans BC

Tutankhamun, the boy Pharoah, and two swans giving it large on the Nile.

Few historians flag up the importance of swans to ancient Egyptian civilisation. The boy king Tutankhamun although a 'man-god' was well known for never turning his back on a swan and for good reason.

The hieroglyphic above the bird roughly translates as 'nice bird but dangerous'

In fact it is understood that Tutankhamun was the first Pharoah to develop the ancient art of 'swan upping' and the Upper Nile was so named to record that this craft was first practiced in this part of the mighty river.

The glitterati of  ancient Egypt were prone to fashion fads and one, briefly popular in the Lower Kingdom, was the wearing of a swan at a rakish angle on the head. Although considered 'stylish', the inherent danger associated meant that this headwear never became universally popular in and around the pyramids. 

Over time, balancing a swan upon the head directly affected an individual's posture and this is said to be the reason why ancient Egyptians, seen depicted on tomb and temple walls, are always shown side on. It is nothing at all to do with the development of perspective in art as was once thought by historians and academics. 

Scrolls unearthed in Thebes, tell the sad story of swan themed millinery preventing the legendary Ptolemy from walking like an Egyptian. Swan hats fell into disrepute shortly after and disappear from the archaeological record.

It is suggested that much of Rod Hull's act was based on the design of this hat which was unearthed by Lord Carnarvon  in a 'dig' just outside Cairo. ( A stuffed scale model of Emu is on display in the British Museum)

Erratum: Subsequent to this post, the editorial team has received an angry email from Tony Lavage of Bassingbourn who on a recent visit to the British Museum was unable to locate the scale model of Emu. We have been informed that Emu was removed after the Australian Consul claimed 'cultural appropriation' and started immediate legal proceedings for the flightless bird's return. Mr Hull was unavailable for comment. The team here at 'Swans should we be afraid' apologise unreservedly to anyone caused distress by this post.

Where's Jacques Cousteau when you need him?

 

Many thanks to Tony Lavage from Bassingbourn for sending the editorial Team this 'Trublin' image of Swans obviously up to no good searching for something lost below the waves. God only knows what they are up to? It looks quite dangerous to us!

" Never turn your back on a swan"

 

A rare photograph of 'eco warrior' Steve Dongle turning his back on a miffed swan in Lowestoft today. Friend of this blog, 'Tooters' Roberts, sent this troubling image to the editorial board. Steve is a trained and experienced person and is obviously wearing 'protective shorts' .  He should however, know better than to encourage this sort of irresponsible behaviour in and around nice but dangerous birds. Don't try this at home kids !

The dangers of modern 'brutalist' civic architecture and the feral urban swan

 

Little did Le Corbusier and Mies van der rohe know, when  they pushed the boat out on their brave architectural journey. God may be in the detail but these swans appreciate an urban opportunity when they see one. We can only guess what these 'two' are up to but our guess is 'up to no good'. 

In defence of these feathered miscreants, god knows what terrible diseases are endemic to our inland waterways.  Post Brexit and after the consequent abolition of all that frustrating red tape holding back British enterprise, swans may now enjoy a robust diet of raw sewage and other high protein supplements. In our considered opinion this only goes to make the buggers even more dangerous!

We have to thank the ever vigilant Willy from Southend, who braved entry to this potential watery and contaminated concrete grave in the making, to capture this sinister and nightmare image. Keep your children and stale bread close because one day they may come for you! 

Swans never sleep

 

Many thanks to Roy for sending the editorial team this relaxed photograph of swans 'allegedly' sleeping. They never sleep Roy, that's just what they want you to think!

"Only one third of a swan is visible above the water!" - Chris Packham

 

"Not often seen together the Swan and the Penguin are pictured in this photograph demonstrating the mind boggling visual wonder of depth perception. The swan has made the cunning decision to encourage the much loved  pied seabird to stand closer to the camera. The unwary bystander is easily convinced by this domestic feathered arrangement that the swan is much much smaller than it really is and that the two birds together represent no threat to health and safety.  The swan is a nice but dangerous bird and little does the penguin know of the violent nature of the company it keeps!. Many thanks to the seasoned Essex based swan fancier who sent in this rare image". The Editorial Team

Its hard and beak up North London

 

This poor man is down on his luck and on the mean streets of London but, just like the cockney sparrow, he still remains cheerful even though he doesn't know where his next swan or book deal are coming from. Twelve hard years of Tory austerity are engrained upon his mute ashen face. This is a portrait of missed opportunities reminiscent of the unrepaired potholes that pock the abandoned ancient asphalt surface that is the A12.  

In the words of Joe Roberts "It aint bleedin' right"!

It is truly hard and 'Bleak up North London'!

International Swan Day March 03 2023

 

"The beauty that is a swan here magnified by its juxtaposition with nature's botanical wonder the 'air plant'. This beautiful arrangement was presented as a gift at Christmas and sitting as it does in this photograph by a 'tasteful' fountain that once graced the garden of the late Joe  'swan fearing' Roberts, it literally brings a tear to the eye. As a fan of this website you will recall that the third of March is not only International Swan Day but also the birthday of Joe Roberts. So all you 'swan fanciers' lift a glass of light ale to Joe and the most dangerous of birds because after all its the sneaky ones that get you!".