Serene

 

"Serene my arse!"

Just when you thought it was safe to go out. Oulton Broad on a warm and sunny afternoon. Suddenly and stealthily they appeared in the shallows. Crumbs!

The Lake of Swans -" If you make it he will come"

 

The inherent 'soul healing nature' of 'a Lake of Swans' is often overlooked by the average bird fancier and occasional visitor to the fresh water waterways of our 'green and sceptred isle'. 

Unresolved relationships can be repaired and built in quiet waterside moments reflecting upon the 'niceness' of these 'dangerous' birds. In Kevin Costner's immortal words " If you make it he will come" .

Editor of NBBD - June 2026

Pity the swan overwhelmed by heat

 

"One cannot help but feel concerned for swans during this unprecedented heat wave, which is affecting wildlife across the United Kingdom.

The above photo was taken near the Brown Boat Suite, Oulton Broad by JP of Pakefield and shows a swan actually 'melting'. 

Although they are even more dangerous when transitioning between solid and liquid states, we must not forget they are 'nice birds' and should be provided with appropriate support and kindness" Steve Dongle - Patron of  the charity "Keep Swans Cool"

International Swan Day 03-03-2026

 

" Everyone at 'SNBBD' is excited, as tomorrow will be 'International Swan Day' once again.  As all good 'Swan Fearing People' will appreciate, the 3rd of March is the Birthday of the late Joe Roberts, a man who forgot more about swans than anyone normal might rightly know.

We like to think that many people in Maidstone and Sidcup and those known to frequent Joe Coral Betting Shops on a regular basis, will tomorrow, raise a glass of 'bleedin' Light Ale in his memory.

Looking through Joe's extensive archive, we came across references to the wonderful 'Curry'  Joe was known to enjoy 'back in the day' at 'Jock's Cafe' in Sidcup. Apparently, Jock's 'Haggis Vindaloo', which was only available on Burns' Night, was a complete revelation and an extraordinary laxative!

It is 25 years since Joe died and we at 'SNBBD' like to think that he has gone to a better place, a celestial version of Wickes, (Wixies) and is happily spending eternity as well as Saturdays, in the company of 'Beryl from Sidcup'. Joe's' wife's name was Edna (aka 'Nurse Diesel') apparently she was "bleedin mad".

We decided to post this a day early, to enable those who fancy to celebrate with a Swan themed curry, to 'order in' or prepare for the feast. Many of the team, remember the Vesta Prawn Curry, which was deemed 'exotic' back in the 1960s. Few could recall the 'Vesta Swan Balti' but we did find the above photo in Joe's archive.  So he clearly loved 'curry' as well as 'kiddies' and facilities for wheelchair users at UK racecourses, all in a thoroughly nice way.

Happy Birthday Joe!💙🏇🏇 and a Happy International Swan Day to Chris Packham, Sir David and all Swan Fearers Worldwide.

Defcon Four

 

" We did warn you"! - NBBD Team (1100 hrs :07-01-2026)

DEFCON FOUR

New Year 2026 and heightened level of threat.

 

 

Here at 'nbbd' HQ in Lowestoft our team is braced for a difficult year, in 2026, with heightened threat levels from swans now being experienced on all inland waterways.

 We have officially gone 'mute' as we move to 'Defcon 3'.

Naughty and Nice Lists 2025

 

It is always a good strategy to stay on this swan's 'nice list' and avoid the 'naughty list' at all cost. You really don't want to be on the 'naughty list'. You really don't! 

"A very Merry Christmas to friends of this blog all over our amazing world" - Ed

Those Tudors loved a Swan

Mystery Photo.

Imagine our amazement when a plain brown paper envelope was slipped under the office door of the Editor of NBBD. The team gathered around whilst the envelope was opened.

Inside, was the above photograph and nothing else. No covering note, name or legend!

On the back was just one word made from  cut-out letters from the Waveney Gazette stuck haphazardly with Pritt.

The one word - "NONCE" .

What could it possibly mean? The team remains mute.

.

Bill by Mouth

 

" The NBbD Team were delighted to receive this interesting swan themed photograph from Lulu, one of our regulars, in Didcot. 

When one considers the skill that went into creating these wonderful and lifelike sculptures 'blown by mouth, you cannot be other than impressed'. The length of training required, to ensure that the artist does not suck instead of blow, is an industry secret. 

After considerable discussion amongst the team, we came to the collective view that 'blowing' so many swans takes dedication, skill and raw courage in the greater Didcot area" - Editor of NBbD.

Skin Art

 

"Bold"  - Editor NBbD.

Old School kit, once commonly found in the trouser pockets of prudent ramblers." Be prepared"

 

Old School multi- function pen-knife 

Contemporary 'shocking' image gleaned from the internet,
 showing a swan callously inserting its beak into a male forehead,
all whilst the innocent couple were distracted by love.

" It is a well acknowledged fact that the British population has an ageing demographic and consequently the UK media has become both backward looking and nostalgic. Well, whether you believe " there is no fool like an old fool" or " things can only get better", who doesn't remember and miss the old school multi-function pocket or pen-knife (much like kNorwich with a silent k)? 

The first of the above images shows just such a knife from an authenticated museum collection. The intended use for the extended spike has been the subject of lengthy curatorial dispute. One camp has argued that the spike was used primarily for 'removing stones from horses hooves' another has suggested that the spike was used, from before Nelson's time, for separating fibres in hemp ropes or 'sheets'. 

However, after some heated discussion amongst the members of the 'editorial team', an exhaustive search through relevant notes from the archive written by the late Joe Roberts on old betting slips, and a quick phone call to Bill Oddie, general consensus is, that the spike was extensively used for humanely removing  'swan beaks' from human tissue. A cursory glance at the second image above demonstrates the occasional need and the complexity involved with making such a significant 'lakeside surgical intervention'. Clearly this swan encounter could have been so much worse, if the gentleman concerned, had turned his back on it! 

They are 'nice birds but dangerous' and the prudent lake-goer is well advised to search antique shops and if lucky acquire such a useful device from years gone by" - the Editor of NBBD.

Cumulus Cygnus

 

Eagle-eyed Jazz from Cambridgeshire's Swan Cloud photo

Enlargement from the original photo
showing a rare example of the Cumulus Cygnus cloud formation.

The editorial team at NBBD were astonished to receive this unusual photograph a 'swan cloud'. Literally, Cumulus Cygnus are as rare as 'hens teeth' so well done Jazz for catching this impressive image.

Cumulus Cygnus clouds were first observed and identified by the Irish hydrographer Captain Francis Beaufort in 1805. Bystanders at the time were heard to exclaim " My Lord, Beaufort as 'rate' got the wind up"!

Sadly, Joe Roberts never got to see this swan related atmospheric event, but it is rumoured in Maidstone, that he did once experience an out of body moment of anxiety when he saw the outline of a swan in the froth on his Light Ale.

Going Dutch

 

The Editorial Team at NBBD should like to thank two intrepid women and famed chicken keepers from Cambridgeshire, Nina and Jasminda Cluck, for sending in these two 'trublin' images captured recently in Holland. They very nicely illustrate the duality of swan behaviours. 

"On the one hand (left), we have the self effacing nee hidden personna and on the other (right), we have the 'in your face' nee violent personna. For this reason alone it is always sensible to keep one's distance from swans". - Chris Packham (No not that one)

"It is an unwary individual who turns his or her back on a swan. Very few have survived such lakeland improvidence"! - Wordsworth.(No not that one either)

As 'Low Countries' friend of NBBD, Kurt Westermann, is wont to say ,that is when he bothers to turn up: 

" Swans, nice birds and lethal also! "   

Feathers Day

 

Hi all you international swan observers around the world! This year the NBBD Team have decided to celebrate, for the first time, 'Feathers Day' held each year on the 15th of June. Now, some 'gain-sayers' have said that 'Feathers Day' is a cynical commercial event created and exploited by purveyors of greetings cards, Facebook, vloggers and bloggers. We however, have 'come out' in favour of this day and if he were alive today, we reckon Joe Roberts would have approved too.

We understand that traditional ways of celebrating 'Feathers Day' include:

• Visiting a Wickes DIY store and buying a can of Three-in-One lubricating oil, for those  impromptu just in case scenarios.
• Placing a 'five cross win doubles with tax' bet at Joe Coral .(Having the accumulator is optional.)
• Drinking a small can of Courage light ale, all in one swallow, whilst demonstrating the language and behaviors of one of the usual 'ists' other than pacifist. (See for guidance Daily Mail.)
• Going 'up the Bowls'.
• Investigating facilities for wheelchair users at horse-racing courses located in England (excluding Northern Ireland.)
• Encouraging a complete stranger to ''old the bells'.

There is a very ancient saying attributed to 'Totty Fay' a gypsy soothsayer from Maidstone:

" Turning your back on a swan during 'Feathers Day' will bring to the unwary, seven years of bad luck including a broken arm"

Wise words old woman of Kent!

" A very 'Happy Feathers Day' to all our readers" - Ed

Artificial Intelligence v Swans - the jury is out.

 

"There has been much concern raised on the Internet in recent weeks, about Artificial Intelligence 'muscling in' upon 'Creatives' and their 'Artistic work'. However, this Monday, we received this 'trubblin' image from 'Leigh on Sea' - Essex.

Quite literally, swans have gone viral and as can be seen above, our mute friends are no strangers to creative activity on the High Street. 

Grayson Perry said recently that he had no problem with AI learning from his art work but Alan Measles might not be so sanguine if he comes across a swan holding a paintbrush and wearing Crimson Lake eye-shadow and a frock! " Lacey Ermine RA

International Swan Observance Day March 03 2025

 

" Every year at 3.00pm  on the third day of the third month, the 'nbbd' team  like to encourage all our devoted readers to enjoy one minute of silent contemplation, in which we collectively remember all the many things associated with 'Swans', be they Mute , Hooper or otherwise. The third of March is also the birthday of  the late Joe Roberts, and silence is probably what, along with 'a light ale' and 'five £1 cross-win-doubles with tax', he would have wanted on this day.

This year we have posted an 'AI created image' of what the inside of a Wickes DIY store (aka - Wixies) might look like if Swans took up residence within the body of the shop between a multiplicity of  aisles full of 'building craft' related paraphernalia and merchandise. 'Nice Birds Indeed!

Now, this may seem to you as an unlikely scenario, but bearing in mind Joe's sagacious and often quoted words " You can get anything from Wixies", not as improbable as a troop of monkeys equipped with typewriters locked in a room, replicating the 'Works of Shakespeare' in a timely fashion.

It is of some sadness that Joe did not live long enough to experience the wonders of 'artificial intelligence', particularly as everyone, who knew him emotionally, believes he would have derived benefit from it. 

Joe, the man and 'Sidcup-based printer', remains the subject of respect and legend in the overlapping worlds of 'Type-setting', 'Swan Observation' and 'Facilities for disabled persons at Race Courses located within the boundaries of the United Kingdom but excluding Northern Ireland'. - Happy Birthday Joe, and wherever you are, keep a watchful eye open for swans!

 - Editor of Nice Birds but Dangerous.

NICE in every possible way!

Victorian Swans and the great divide.

 

" Say what you like about 'The Victorians' but they certainly knew how to stuff Cygnus olor!

 This family group were happily surveying the tranquil lake scene before them, when they were rudely introduced to the pseudo art and science of 'taxidermy'. They clearly don't like it 'up-'em' Mr Mantell!

"There is considerable current academic debate as to whether the Victorian Era and the coincident development of 'Taxidermy' marks the paleozoological divide between swans being one hundred percent 'Nice birds' and being at least 50 percent 'Dangerous'". - Discuss!

"Is 'evolution' a gradual or a 'cataclysmic process'"? - Discuss!

"Did God make those little green apples" ? - Discuss!

Hard to say, but from the limited perspective of these swans - "Two pounds of kapok rammed up the 'cloaca' certainly created a tsunami of ripples on their shared and previously benign swan lake" - Richard Owen 1804-1892

The Year of the Swan - East of Bromley

 

"In Chinese culture, swans are considered to be a symbol of grace, purity, enlightenment, and blessing. They are also associated with the goddess Guanyin. The Chinese Zodiac has twelve animals, that are associated with years in the calendar, none of them being a swan. 2025 is 'The Year of the Snake' -  worldwide quite appropriate as it turns out! 

In Joe Roberts' home town Maidstone, 2025 is being arbitrarily celebrated by both 'Men of Kent' and 'Kentish Men' as 'The Year of the Swan'. Consequently, big parties are anticipated for this spring's 'International Swan Day', which is held every year on the 3rd of March. In 2025, the streets of Maidstone may indeed run with 'Light Ale'!

The  above image is a reproduction of a traditional local pictorial rendition in watercolour on a discarded Joe Coral betting slip of 'The River Medway in flood', which at one time hung in a Chinese Takeaway in Week Street. The building shown on the island, is a 'stylistic and graphical' representation of the Maidstone Branch of Wickes about which Joe was often heard to say "You can get anything from Wixies"! - Editor

Editorial note: None of the editorial team knows why Joe insisted upon pronouncing 'Wickes' as 'Wixies'. The man was and is, both an enigma and Kentish legend!

Lashings of Light Ale

 

"At this time of year, the Editorial Team at ‘Nice Birds but Dangerous’ look to compile material for the Christmas blog post. For inspiration, we often peruse our archival collection of the thoughts and teachings of Joe (Swan fearing) Roberts.

This year instead, we went through the copious store of artefacts he left behind after his untimely death in 2001.

All of our regular readers and swan aficionados worldwide, will know that Joe was ‘no stranger’ to the benefits offered by the occasional Light Ale but few will appreciate that his absolute favourite amongst the ‘Pale’ libations was ‘Courage Light Ale’ circa 1970.

What the editorial team only discovered this week was that Joe had been involved with the development of ‘marketing material’ designed by the company to rival the Guinness Toucan balancing a pint of stout on its bill. Joe, never averse to putting himself forward and thus into the limelight, came up with the catchy strap-line “It’s what Joe would have wanted”. When we found in Joe’s belongings, the above ‘printers proof’ for the pilot advertisement, it all became clear. Sadly, the campaign was abandoned peremptorily, due to fears articulated by the RSPB, that it might promote under-age binge drinking, particularly amongst cygnets, and generally in the close vicinity of lakes and other inland waterways. We shall however, never really know!

We at ‘NBbD’ wish all our blog readers and contributors a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

However, we like to emphasise each and every year, how dangerous cold and hungry swans can be during Winter Solstice. And yet every year there are unfortunate and avoidable swan related events resulting from rash actions and thoughtless behaviours!

TAKING SMALL CHILDREN TO FEED THE SWANS ON BOXING DAY IS COMPLETELY WRONG AND TOTALLY IRRESPONSIBLE!!

Even feeding swans with bread can have unforeseen circumstances. They may be nice birds but they can be dangerous!" - Ed.

The Renaissance Bird in Perspective

 

'Boy bitten by a Swan' Fred Caravaggio second Cousin of the Master.

" As today is the 75th Birthday of George (thinks a lot of himself) Roberts, only son of the late  Joe (Light Ale) Roberts, the editorial staff thought it was only fitting to mark the day with the posting of a renowned 'swan themed' art work.

Joe was often heard to remark that George was "a bit artistic and light on his feet" an expression he borrowed from the renowned 1960's theatre critic 'Kenneth Tynan'. Much like many of Joe's expressions, we are not fully sure what he meant by this but assume it was well intentioned!

Fred Caravaggio is not as famous as his relative but was renowned for his use of 'heightened perspective' to provide 'drama' in his work. The rendition of the swan's beak in this work (lower right) is a fine example of his Renaissance avian based angst. 

"Whatever else you can say about Fred Caravaggio, he knew a lot about swans, he loved a glass or two of light ale and you could leave him safely in a room with kiddies" - Joe Roberts.

'A Happy Birthday' to George and all other swan aficionados who share the 28th of November for the day of their birth" - Ed