Swans never sleep

 

Many thanks to Roy for sending the editorial team this relaxed photograph of swans 'allegedly' sleeping. They never sleep Roy, that's just what they want you to think!

"Only one third of a swan is visible above the water!" - Chris Packham

 

"Not often seen together the Swan and the Penguin are pictured in this photograph demonstrating the mind boggling visual wonder of depth perception. The swan has made the cunning decision to encourage the much loved  pied seabird to stand closer to the camera. The unwary bystander is easily convinced by this domestic feathered arrangement that the swan is much much smaller than it really is and that the two birds together represent no threat to health and safety.  The swan is a nice but dangerous bird and little does the penguin know of the violent nature of the company it keeps!. Many thanks to the seasoned Essex based swan fancier who sent in this rare image". The Editorial Team

Its hard and beak up North London

 

This poor man is down on his luck and on the mean streets of London but, just like the cockney sparrow, he still remains cheerful even though he doesn't know where his next swan or book deal are coming from. Twelve hard years of Tory austerity are engrained upon his mute ashen face. This is a portrait of missed opportunities reminiscent of the unrepaired potholes that pock the abandoned ancient asphalt surface that is the A12.  

In the words of Joe Roberts "It aint bleedin' right"!

It is truly hard and 'Bleak up North London'!

International Swan Day March 03 2023

 

"The beauty that is a swan here magnified by its juxtaposition with nature's botanical wonder the 'air plant'. This beautiful arrangement was presented as a gift at Christmas and sitting as it does in this photograph by a 'tasteful' fountain that once graced the garden of the late Joe  'swan fearing' Roberts, it literally brings a tear to the eye. As a fan of this website you will recall that the third of March is not only International Swan Day but also the birthday of Joe Roberts. So all you 'swan fanciers' lift a glass of light ale to Joe and the most dangerous of birds because after all its the sneaky ones that get you!".

A swan is not just for Christmas.

Long John Cygnet a truly terrifying buccaneer!

Over the festive season keep a weather watch for 'seven swans a swimming' Neither Santa nor Joe Roberts could ever decide whether they were naughty or nice.

"Just like the real thing but worse"

" The editorial team in Oulton Broad (posh way of pronouncing Lowestoft) would like to thank the ever vigilant Tony Lavage based in rural Royston for sending in this truly 'Trubblin' image of vulnerable young persons admiring the plumage portrayed in swan based graffiti.  One of the older members of  the editorial team drew attention to the similarities between this contemporary photo and a 'sixties' Album cover." 

Back in the day, the Swan probably got censored by the Lord Chamberlain!

Invisibility

 Many thanks to NP of Westcliff on Sea for bringing this potential disaster to the attention of the editorial team. With the new freedoms afforded by a post Brexit Britain, all sorts of shit is being discharged into our 'Majesty's '  inland waterways'. What if overnight swans became invisible? It is difficult enough to see the buggers coming now, they certainly don't require chemical enhancement to gain the upper-hand.