They’re everywhere.

 Never be off guard! They are quite literally everywhere awaiting the opportunity to break arms.

Not something you see everyday on Lake Lothing.

 

Many thanks to Tony Lavage from Bassingbourn for sending the Editor this astounding card on the event of his recent birthday. I am reliably informed that the vacant chair, centre image, is in homage to the legendary swan fearing Joe Roberts. The eagle eyed amongst our readers will have noted that the cut glass tumblers on the table are full to the brim with Light Ale (the preferred libation of the older gentleman). 

Swans BC

Tutankhamun, the boy Pharoah, and two swans giving it large on the Nile.

Few historians flag up the importance of swans to ancient Egyptian civilisation. The boy king Tutankhamun although a 'man-god' was well known for never turning his back on a swan and for good reason.

The hieroglyphic above the bird roughly translates as 'nice bird but dangerous'

In fact it is understood that Tutankhamun was the first Pharoah to develop the ancient art of 'swan upping' and the Upper Nile was so named to record that this craft was first practiced in this part of the mighty river.

The glitterati of  ancient Egypt were prone to fashion fads and one, briefly popular in the Lower Kingdom, was the wearing of a swan at a rakish angle on the head. Although considered 'stylish', the inherent danger associated meant that this headwear never became universally popular in and around the pyramids. 

Over time, balancing a swan upon the head directly affected an individual's posture and this is said to be the reason why ancient Egyptians, seen depicted on tomb and temple walls, are always shown side on. It is nothing at all to do with the development of perspective in art as was once thought by historians and academics. 

Scrolls unearthed in Thebes, tell the sad story of swan themed millinery preventing the legendary Ptolemy from walking like an Egyptian. Swan hats fell into disrepute shortly after and disappear from the archaeological record.

It is suggested that much of Rod Hull's act was based on the design of this hat which was unearthed by Lord Carnarvon  in a 'dig' just outside Cairo. ( A stuffed scale model of Emu is on display in the British Museum)

Erratum: Subsequent to this post, the editorial team has received an angry email from Tony Lavage of Bassingbourn who on a recent visit to the British Museum was unable to locate the scale model of Emu. We have been informed that Emu was removed after the Australian Consul claimed 'cultural appropriation' and started immediate legal proceedings for the flightless bird's return. Mr Hull was unavailable for comment. The team here at 'Swans should we be afraid' apologise unreservedly to anyone caused distress by this post.

Where's Jacques Cousteau when you need him?

 

Many thanks to Tony Lavage from Bassingbourn for sending the editorial Team this 'Trublin' image of Swans obviously up to no good searching for something lost below the waves. God only knows what they are up to? It looks quite dangerous to us!

" Never turn your back on a swan"

 

A rare photograph of 'eco warrior' Steve Dongle turning his back on a miffed swan in Lowestoft today. Friend of this blog, 'Tooters' Roberts, sent this troubling image to the editorial board. Steve is a trained and experienced person and is obviously wearing 'protective shorts' .  He should however, know better than to encourage this sort of irresponsible behaviour in and around nice but dangerous birds. Don't try this at home kids !

The dangers of modern 'brutalist' civic architecture and the feral urban swan

 

Little did Le Corbusier and Mies van der rohe know, when  they pushed the boat out on their brave architectural journey. God may be in the detail but these swans appreciate an urban opportunity when they see one. We can only guess what these 'two' are up to but our guess is 'up to no good'. 

In defence of these feathered miscreants, god knows what terrible diseases are endemic to our inland waterways.  Post Brexit and after the consequent abolition of all that frustrating red tape holding back British enterprise, swans may now enjoy a robust diet of raw sewage and other high protein supplements. In our considered opinion this only goes to make the buggers even more dangerous!

We have to thank the ever vigilant Willy from Southend, who braved entry to this potential watery and contaminated concrete grave in the making, to capture this sinister and nightmare image. Keep your children and stale bread close because one day they may come for you! 

Swans never sleep

 

Many thanks to Roy for sending the editorial team this relaxed photograph of swans 'allegedly' sleeping. They never sleep Roy, that's just what they want you to think!