Swans BC

Tutankhamun, the boy Pharoah, and two swans giving it large on the Nile.

Few historians flag up the importance of swans to ancient Egyptian civilisation. The boy king Tutankhamun although a 'man-god' was well known for never turning his back on a swan and for good reason.

The hieroglyphic above the bird roughly translates as 'nice bird but dangerous'

In fact it is understood that Tutankhamun was the first Pharoah to develop the ancient art of 'swan upping' and the Upper Nile was so named to record that this craft was first practiced in this part of the mighty river.

The glitterati of  ancient Egypt were prone to fashion fads and one, briefly popular in the Lower Kingdom, was the wearing of a swan at a rakish angle on the head. Although considered 'stylish', the inherent danger associated meant that this headwear never became universally popular in and around the pyramids. 

Over time, balancing a swan upon the head directly affected an individual's posture and this is said to be the reason why ancient Egyptians, seen depicted on tomb and temple walls, are always shown side on. It is nothing at all to do with the development of perspective in art as was once thought by historians and academics. 

Scrolls unearthed in Thebes, tell the sad story of swan themed millinery preventing the legendary Ptolemy from walking like an Egyptian. Swan hats fell into disrepute shortly after and disappear from the archaeological record.

It is suggested that much of Rod Hull's act was based on the design of this hat which was unearthed by Lord Carnarvon  in a 'dig' just outside Cairo. ( A stuffed scale model of Emu is on display in the British Museum)

Erratum: Subsequent to this post, the editorial team has received an angry email from Tony Lavage of Bassingbourn who on a recent visit to the British Museum was unable to locate the scale model of Emu. We have been informed that Emu was removed after the Australian Consul claimed 'cultural appropriation' and started immediate legal proceedings for the flightless bird's return. Mr Hull was unavailable for comment. The team here at 'Swans should we be afraid' apologise unreservedly to anyone caused distress by this post.

Where's Jacques Cousteau when you need him?

 

Many thanks to Tony Lavage from Bassingbourn for sending the editorial Team this 'Trublin' image of Swans obviously up to no good searching for something lost below the waves. God only knows what they are up to? It looks quite dangerous to us!

" Never turn your back on a swan"

 

A rare photograph of 'eco warrior' Steve Dongle turning his back on a miffed swan in Lowestoft today. Friend of this blog, 'Tooters' Roberts, sent this troubling image to the editorial board. Steve is a trained and experienced person and is obviously wearing 'protective shorts' .  He should however, know better than to encourage this sort of irresponsible behaviour in and around nice but dangerous birds. Don't try this at home kids !

The dangers of modern 'brutalist' civic architecture and the feral urban swan

 

Little did Le Corbusier and Mies van der rohe know, when  they pushed the boat out on their brave architectural journey. God may be in the detail but these swans appreciate an urban opportunity when they see one. We can only guess what these 'two' are up to but our guess is 'up to no good'. 

In defence of these feathered miscreants, god knows what terrible diseases are endemic to our inland waterways.  Post Brexit and after the consequent abolition of all that frustrating red tape holding back British enterprise, swans may now enjoy a robust diet of raw sewage and other high protein supplements. In our considered opinion this only goes to make the buggers even more dangerous!

We have to thank the ever vigilant Willy from Southend, who braved entry to this potential watery and contaminated concrete grave in the making, to capture this sinister and nightmare image. Keep your children and stale bread close because one day they may come for you! 

Swans never sleep

 

Many thanks to Roy for sending the editorial team this relaxed photograph of swans 'allegedly' sleeping. They never sleep Roy, that's just what they want you to think!

"Only one third of a swan is visible above the water!" - Chris Packham

 

"Not often seen together the Swan and the Penguin are pictured in this photograph demonstrating the mind boggling visual wonder of depth perception. The swan has made the cunning decision to encourage the much loved  pied seabird to stand closer to the camera. The unwary bystander is easily convinced by this domestic feathered arrangement that the swan is much much smaller than it really is and that the two birds together represent no threat to health and safety.  The swan is a nice but dangerous bird and little does the penguin know of the violent nature of the company it keeps!. Many thanks to the seasoned Essex based swan fancier who sent in this rare image". The Editorial Team

Its hard and beak up North London

 

This poor man is down on his luck and on the mean streets of London but, just like the cockney sparrow, he still remains cheerful even though he doesn't know where his next swan or book deal are coming from. Twelve hard years of Tory austerity are engrained upon his mute ashen face. This is a portrait of missed opportunities reminiscent of the unrepaired potholes that pock the abandoned ancient asphalt surface that is the A12.  

In the words of Joe Roberts "It aint bleedin' right"!

It is truly hard and 'Bleak up North London'!