Where have the buggers gone?

 

No Swans on Oulton Broad !

Have they abandoned the sinking ship like so many Rattus Norvegicus or have they just withdrawn to regroup and attack 'bread vans' when we least expect it?

Silent Night - well they are mute after all

 

A Merry Christmas to all our readers and Swan aficionados around the world.  A big thank you to our fantastic contributors including Big JP from Pakefield, Lulu in Milton and Mrs Trellis of North Wales. 

In the prophetic words of the late Joe Roberts, delivered one frosty Maidstone Christmas Eve long ago, - "Sleigh Driving - not much of a job"

Surreal Swans

 

Many thanks to Salvador for sending the team images of these two swan focused artistic masterpieces. My late university flat mate Paul once had tea with Salvador in the surreal garden of his house in Spain. Mad as a badger by all accounts! Nice giraffe though.

"Never turn your back on a swan" - the late Joe Roberts

 

"Nice birds but classically dangerous"?

The Swan Tap a Celebration of British Culture

The Swan Tap - Kidderminster - noted for its 'cask conditioned ales and selected grills'

Thanks once again to Lulu from Milton for sending the above image of this slightly 'off-piste' public house sign. Interesting facts associated with the Swan Tap:

• Christine Keeler never worked here as a barmaid in the 1960s and 1970s 
• Does a proper 24/7 'Full English' featuring the patriotic 'British Sausage' - on a plate!
• Function room with integral 'Cross of St George bunting', available for wakes and other family celebrations.
• 'old the bells Fred! is written on the wall below the urinal cistern in the Gentlemen's Cloakroom.
• Casual racism, darts, misogyny and cribbage friendly.
• "Wonderful facilities for the disabled" - Joe Roberts.
• Its only - 'banter in a bun''  - chlorinated bar snacks are freely available during 'happy hour' when you purchase a British Pint. 
• All Premier League matches are shown on the largest plasma screen in Kidderminster.
• "It is medically impossible to catch Covid 19 on licensed premises whilst consuming alcohol ". - Boris the resident lounge bar Physician.
• No swans are allowed on the premises under any circumstances (unless accompanied by Mr Cummings).
• 'British Curry Night' every Thursday.

A worrying local mutation

Worried on lookers watched, as on Oulton Broad today, a mutant swan acquired cyborg outboard propulsion.

"The future safety of 'Brown Boat' patrons is uncertain if swans mutate to become  'Serene but devastatingly fast"! - said passerby  JP of Pakefield.

The Mute Territorial Army

Our womenfolk are no longer safe after Swans go all territorial at this well known East Anglian retreat for the older person who may or may not be socially distanced.

Who would have thought that a nice sedate afternoon walk could change so suddenly?

Who could have anticipated a 'Swan related incident' at a Bird Reserve?

What has the countryside come to?

It is never like this on 'Country File' !

" The smaller ones wearing 'grey camouflage' are the worst you cannot see them as easily as the white ones Irene"

"You haven't been baking this morning have you ? If they detect a whiff of bread we are both in a whole world of pain Anita"